It's HOT!

The first rule that you have to contend with is the dress code; for female tourists this is currently a scarf, long sleeves, long trousers and a thigh length top. For men it is simply long trousers and a top with short or long sleeves. I lovingly referred to my tops as sacks and was ready to burn my head scarf by the end of the 3 weeks - it's just toooo HOT for that kind of attire! My advice to anyone planning a visit is to shop around for the lightest tops you can find before entering Iran as most of the Iranian options are just too thick.

There is no escaping this rule - even in the communal areas of hotels the rule is applied. One girl decided not to wear her head scarf in the courtyard of one hostel that we stayed in. The hostel was used both by tourists and Iranians and it was obvious that the locals were very uncomfortable with the situation - she was putting them in a compromised position, not just in terms of their religious beliefs but also simply for getting the hostel owners in trouble with the police. No-one said anything to her - maybe due to politeness or maybe due to fear - but it was clear that it was wrong.

The one thing to content yourself with is the fact that you don't have to wear the chador! Chador literally means black tent and is the cape type covering that some women wear over their everyday clothes (normally a raincoat type thing and trousers). I got chatting with a young architecture professional in Yazd who was wearing a chador. It was just before the elections and she riled against the government for forcing her to wear this outfit in such a hot country. After quite a while chatting I got up the courage to ask her why she chose to wear the chador when she has the option to wear a simple, small head scarf like many other women do - surely this would be cooler. Her response was simple; that she would be letting her family down. So, although the government do define the dress code, it's the family traditions (and the rebelliousness of the girl!) that defines the extent of conservatism.

At Persepolis we got talking to a whole group of girls and a couple of their male relatives. They were a wonderful bunch of people, they gave us some supper and asked us a million and one questions about life back home and what we thought of Iran. Two of the group spoke good English so they all asked their questions through these two and they had so many questions we could barely keep up with the flow (in between them apologising and asking if we were ok to carry on talking!) They wore the full range of options from the small scarf through to the full chador - each of them had made their own choice. The girl in the full chador had one very serious question - and I think this was something that concerned them all - what did I think about the hejab (the general name for the dress code). It was a very loaded question, she wanted to know whether I thought less of them for not just accepting, but wanting to wear the hejab. The answer was simple for this particular group, it's their decision and their choice, so it's a good thing for them to do what is right for them. Ollie held his breath from the time they asked the question, imagining that I would launch into a feminist diatribe, but finally breathed in relief once I had answered! Thinking it over afterwards it was nice to realise that I actually meant what I said and it wasn't just a pacifying statement.

Hamid, Jalal, Najmeh, Fatemeh, Mahboobeh & Roya - Lovely people and 1 million questions!

The Rules

One rule that I never quite got to grips with was the fact that women and men should not shake hands. The theory was fine, I had read it in the book and kept my hands firmly locked when meeting people. The only problem was that over 70% of the men we chatted to offered me their hand to shake - so I did..! So that was fine, but it meant that I kept forgetting the original rule and would occasionally go to shake hands with people who clearly didn't want to! This was the most awkward situation as politeness would force them to accept my offered hand, but they would shake maybe the tips of my fingers at best. This would be the point in time at which I would realise my error and apologise profusely as I did with Hamid! Sorry Hamid!!! So the rule is to always wait until a hand is offered..and try to remember!

Another rule that is much less strictly adhered to is the fact that a man does not address another man's wife directly. So one of the first questions to Ollie might be "what is your wife's name" when I'm standing right there. The first few times I kept quiet and felt like a complete lemon - I wanted to shout "errr...helloooo...I am here you know!" but then I realised that all I had to do was jump into the conversation and answer for myself and from this point on I would be a full participant in the conversation. The only exception to this was a 12 year old boy who made me feel about 2 foot tall when he told Ollie that it was a disgrace that I didn't wear a head scarf in my own country!!! His parents, who spoke no English, were standing by, smiling sweetly at their obviously clever but slightly misguided son, so punching him wasn't really an option! We told him that he might understand a bit more about this and "those disgusting movies where men and women kiss" when he's a bit older!

Just about keeping the scarf on....and playing the only just legal chess

....And finally

One of my overriding memories of the women in Iran would be the normal sight of an old woman covered from head to toe in her chador, gripping it tightly with her teeth and peering out through the small slit that was left for the eyes, looking deadly serious and slightly scary....but just saying a quiet "Salaam" as we pass and she would drop the chador from her mouth, break into a huge grin and return the "Salaam".

Ollie would find it very awkward approaching women in the street to ask directions or the like, but as he seems to have developed a fetish for the chador that's probably a good thing!

All the women that we met and chatted to were outspoken in some way or another, but what surprised me was that it was the full range of people that were outspoken - from the deeply religious people who welcomed the hejab to the radicals who couldn't wait to burn their scarves - conservative did not mean subservient.

There is no escaping the fact that many aspects of life for a woman in Iran are tough and unfair- the thought of being forced to marry a man just because you have been spotted holding hands with him is a tad scary and the freedom to leave a husband is almost nil. The fact that women have no choice in these matters is simply wrong. Having said this, from the moment we arrived in Iran women would go out of their way to prove to us that they are not the stereotype we expect. This was brought home to us like a slap on the face by a girl and her mother in Tabriz who leapt out of their car and dashed across 3 lanes of traffic to shake our hands and say "WELCOME TO IRAN"!!! The lasting impression is the spirit and intenseness of these women rather than their outward appearance.

<< Previous Blog   Comment   Next Blog >>